【英語要約】他人のことが気にならなくなる「いい人」のやめ方

Review

How exciting it would be for an active priest to tell you "Stop good people". The idea of ​​"quitting a good person" is not new, but the interesting part of this book is that it is sent by a religious person who preaches ethics as "a good person."

The author, Yoshihiko Natori, is a chief priest of the Sozoin, and is involved in various activities related to Buddhism while being a researcher at the Shingon sect Toyoyama faction research institute. From a Buddhist perspective, such authors teach that "you don't have to like everyone", "you can decline the invitation", and "you can cut the edge". Even if you quit a good person, it is not an extreme thing to behave as you like. It is easy to accept because the contents are legitimate, such as saying no to disgusting things or drawing a line to those who depend on them. It's something that you'll definitely feel positive about doing if you do it.

The author's personality, which oozes out of this book, seems to be a good person even if he stops being a "good person." The “good person” that the author stopped is probably a “good person” who is bland for everyone. Thinking about it that way, we are not exhausted, thinking that we should make a "good face" even to those who do not normally want to be liked, even those who want to cut the edge. I wonder. While reading this book, why don't you think about who you want to be a good person?

Main points of this book

Point 1

We, who have grown up after being evaluated by others since childhood, tend to care about the evaluation of others. Recognize that, and don't worry about what people think, let's move toward the goal of being happy in your own way.

Point 2

If you are working on what you want to do, thinking "Is this a goal you want to be patient with?" makes it easier to say "No". You can also decline an unwilling invitation based on your goals.

Point 3

Sometimes it is necessary to draw a line with the people who depend on you and to get rid of those who do not want to be involved. It's important for you now.

[Must read point!] Tips for an easier way of life than anyone

I am okay with this

Since we entered elementary school, we have continued to grow under the appreciation of others. It is unavoidable for us to worry about people's evaluations. The evaluation from people is good. Self-affirmation also increases. However, if you dare sell an aphrodisiac for that reason, you may find yourself disliked.

That's when you have the chance to create yourself so that you don't have to worry about what others think. The Buddha also decides on his own goals and methods such as "I aim for enlightenment with compassion!" If we go to our goals in our own way, we don't have to worry about people's eyes. Let's set a goal that will bring you happiness and move forward.

Awareness is tiring

Some people say, "Be careful of people and get tired," but that doesn't mean that they become selfish. It is admirable to pay attention to people. Awareness for the other person warms the relationship with the person. The problem is that you get tired.

It is natural to get tired if you are careful. If you think so, you will not get angry about getting tired. In order to have the room, it is necessary to secure a good space and time without paying attention to others. Taking a walk, reading a book, spending time with people you don't care about, and having a relaxing time consciously will balance your mind and ease your mind.

Let's remove the mask

There are people who play "good people" and "good children" according to the image of people expected from others. If you keep on wearing the mask, you will naturally feel stuffy.

The public image of “good ◯” is not very reliable. For example, a “good boy” has the image of a filial practitioner who listens to whatever his parents say, but it would be a problem if he could not have his own thoughts and values. Some people think that the ideal image of a "good boss" is a gentle person, but some think it is a tough person. There are various people's preferences such as obedience and spirit even if they are "good men." It is impossible to cover all such figures and perform.

It is better to envision an ideal person and try to get closer to it, rather than trying to play the person you would expect from others. You will be able to demonstrate your charm and talent.

You don't have to put up with nasty things

Let's say no

Flowers are a symbol of kindness in Buddhism, because no one is angry at them. It also teaches the importance of patience as it withstands the cold and blooms beautiful flowers. It is said that when offering flowers to Buddhist altars and graves with kindness and patience, the dead and the Buddha receive only 30% of their hearts and 70% of them return to them.

One thing to know about patience is that patience can only be achieved with goals. No one wants patience, but if you want to achieve this goal, you can endure it.

If you're doing something you don't like, but you can't say no, think about whether you have the goal to endure. If you do something unpleasant, your self-esteem will be hurt. If you leave it unattended, the opponent will get more and more of the figure and the number of scratches will increase. In order to live with confidence in yourself and with respect for dignity, it is important to set goals such as "I want to live in good mood" and be able to say no.

complaints can flow away

complaints are originally a Buddhist language. The Buddhist dictionary says, "It is common to say that it is ineffective to say something because it is foolish, and to complain." In other words, complaints have no effect. Unlike the “consultation” that seeks a solution, the purpose of complaining is to complain, so the listener must be patient. If you come in contact with a negative person, you will be too dark, but you also have the right to smile and live comfortably, so don't lose.

If someone complains, "I hate that person," you can say, "I think so too." If someone says negatively, "I don't understand that way," you can pretend to say, "How do you agree? Are you confident that you can do it?" If I don't want to deal with it, he returns, "I hear only negative things, but is there anything good?" There is no need to take bitterness and negative remarks seriously.

Ecopay is everywhere

The dragon has nine children, one of whom is called a favor. He looks like a turtle and likes to carry heavy things on his back. The shrines and temples sometimes support stone monuments in the precincts. This is followed by "Yorei," which means "it depends on what you depend on," and "Ekohiiki."

In situations where equality is not a prerequisite, it is natural to favor people who like or like me. Therefore, it is inevitable to make a good eye for it. The problem is that those who should be treated equally should favor only those who are special.

If your boss is so enthusiastic about your job that you can't get a legitimate rating, you'll have to act like your boss likes you, or even change jobs. Hana does not expect a legitimate evaluation from his favored boss, and he rushes to work. There are people who see it from behind.

Take care of your goals

"What to do" rather than invitation

When I was in my thirties, there was a time when seniors who were good friends had stopped participating in leisure-related gatherings at some point. "I've had a bad relationship lately," he said quietly, but when I heard from the news that his seniors were beginning to study counseling, he realized that he was innocent. Seniors were working on what they should do now and what they want to do.

After that, the daily life desperate to secure free time so that I could go if there was an invitation changed. I decided to set up a Buddha session at a temple where I am a priest, and decided to hold a statement live at a live house. I was able to do what I needed to do, so I had to decline invitations from my colleagues.

The reason why I can't refuse an unwilling invitation is because there is no "thing to do even if I refuse the invitation". Personal goals such as "I decided to watch 10 movies a month" and "Make a full course today at home" are also good reasons, which is a good reason to decline invitations and requests. If you don't want to let yourself go around and work on what you want, your life will move forward.

There is no unique "likeness"

There are ways to say "a woman is like a woman" and "a man is like a man", but even if you say "likely", the images you hold are different. The Buddhist teaching of the "ku" considers that "everything has no unique entity that does not change." Based on this, it means that there is no unique “likeness”.

The definition of "likeness" varies depending on the times and countries. Even if you can define yourself only as yourself, it will change with time and circumstances.

All things are changing and not staying the same, but it's just a matter of sticking the label "This is what it is". The commitment in this case does not mean a good sense, but means "being trapped in trivial things". If you stick to something and stay in one place, you won't be able to know the wonderful ideas and world around you.

When you feel "likeness", you say, "I'm the type of person who wants to stick a label to fix things and feel secure." Enjoy the change of everything, including yourself.

Sometimes let go of the edge

Draw a line with those who depend on you

Some people find it difficult to finish exchanging emails or SNS, and some people complain if they don't reply. It's like someone who unilaterally thinks, "You and I have a special relationship," and says "cherish your relationship with me!" People who are independent will lose sight of living with a rich network.

When you are in tune with such a troubled person, the other person becomes more and more clinging without even realizing that you are dependent. This situation is neither good for the other person nor good for protecting one's life. "I have something I want to do and I have to do." Sometimes it's better to say something and stay away from each other, which is good for each other.

When I received a consultation by e-mail, he said at an early stage, "I wish I could be smiling without e-mailing me." This is to prevent the other party from becoming dependent. People who send blog comments to individuals think that they have a "special relationship" with the other person, so I will respond without saying "I would like comments to the blog comment field that anyone can read". Knowing that it seems to be cold, I am keeping a distance as an independent adult. You don't have to think it's cold to keep yourself away from anyone who depends on you.

It doesn't have to be liked by everyone

While socializing in real life can broaden your world, it can also be a nuisance depending on the situation and the person you are talking to. It can be especially troublesome in situations where you have something you want to do but you have to put up with it. Self-assertion is also necessary if the other person doesn't think about it. You don't have to look good on people who are annoying. We are not liked or disliked by everyone.

If you are a person who doesn't want to have a lot of ties, but you approach him like a flirt from the other side, it's unavoidable to have the courage to be disliked and take a naive attitude. Even if you make someone angry, it's not good for you to keep in touch with the person and put stress on them.

The edge is important, but sometimes you have the courage to cut it off. Sometimes it's important to end connected edges.

Enjoy the present rather than the past

The connection with the people we meet does not last forever. It is unavoidable to be estranged from the people you used to be friends with so that you will not be able to talk to single people when you get married and have children.

While some people become estranged, new friends also appear one after another. It's impossible to keep a relationship with everyone because more people get along. "Meeting is the beginning of parting". If you feel lonely about being estranged from someone you're on good terms with, you can contact them by saying, "Isn't it tea?" so that they can connect to each other. Of course, the more people you meet, the more people you can't meet.

If you think "cherish what you have lost rather than mourn what you lost," you can proceed without looking back on your life. Look forward to "now" and "future" rather than to miss the good old days.

Recommendation of reading

This book is full of tips that can be taken from the experience of the author, who is a priest, to make life and socializing a little easier. In addition to the ones introduced in the summary, there are many topics of interest such as dealing with people who do not read the air or people who are irritable, and a point of valuing oneself without worrying about others. The text is easy to read, and many tips are easy to put into practice, so please feel free to pick it up. It will surely provide a relaxing reading time to think about your goals.

おすすめの記事