There are few people who say, "I'm very good at speaking in public." As I approach myself, my heart palpitates and my hands quiver. The morning assembly speech that I take charge of once a month is gloomy and irresistible. There are probably more cases like this.
What I would like such a person to take is this book, which is packed with "how to speak without going up" for people with "agari". There are many similar books on this subject, but the main feature of this book is that only "what you can really practice" is written. In the books for overcoming agaris, the psychological theory such as "step on the scene" and "accept tension" is often seen. Many people may have thought that "if you can do that, you will not have a hard time." On the other hand, the author of this book analyzes "why you are nervous" and introduces a simple way to overcome it, with abundant diagrams.
In addition, training methods that enable you to speak without tension and specific measures for each situation such as interviews, presentations, and romance are also introduced. This is a must-read content for those who want to overcome phobia this time.
By the way, this book has a fold line in the upper left corner of the page. This is to break the page that the reader practiced. As the number of pages with broken corners increases, we have practiced a lot of methods that do not make us nervous, and the result of "I did this much" is visibly confident. I would like to recommend this book to anyone who wants to show their power in the context of "here."
Main points of this book
Simply changing your consciousness from the "viewing side" to the "viewing side" will reduce the tension when speaking in front of a large number of people.
If you think from the other party's perspective rather than your own perspective, the tension will ease. Just by talking to the other person, you will naturally be seen by someone who can.
Actual tension can be less than one-third. The tension is unnecessarily inflated by the combination of "the actual tension of the present" with "the tension of past experiences and trauma" and "the tension of future anxiety".
[Must read point!] The only way to never get up
Don't get nervous if you're on the side
There is a crucial difference between those who are nervous and those who are not. Is it on the "viewing side" or on the "viewing side"?
The scene where a person with aggression is nervous should be the scene where he or she always feels "watched". For example, the person who is interviewed is nervous because it is the “viewable side”. On the other hand, the interviewer is "seen", so he is not nervous. Also, when I give a speech in front of a lot of people, I'm nervous because I can "see," but when I'm talking to others, I'm "looking," so I'm not nervous. In this way, your feelings will change greatly depending on whether you are the one who sees or sees you.
All that is needed to overcome arrogance is to abandon the "seen" consciousness. The author sometimes calls participants on the stage and asks for self-introduction at a seminar for overcoming agaric disease. Then, many people get nervous. Some people have reddened faces and shaking hands.
It is said that such a person will turn their attention to another participant who can be seen from above. "He has a nice stall," he asked, "where did he come from?" Then, the tension subsided and the trembling of the hand stopped. Despite the same situation of "speaking in public."
In this way, when the "viewing side" changes to the "viewing side", there is no need to be nervous.
I get nervous when I look away
In situations where you feel nervous, go to that place earlier than anyone else and look closely at the people gathering. Even if you meet up, be sure to arrive early and bow to the person you are walking with. That way, you're more likely to be on the "watching" side.
However, there may be times when you can't wait for people to come. For example, a scene where you have to suddenly come out in front of many people. In such a situation, you suddenly get a lot of gaze. You might want to look away from your eyes.
However, it is not in such a situation that you cannot turn your eyes off. It's because I'm so nervous that I can't see it unless I see the other person. It is best to avoid turning your eyes down immediately after entering the stage.
Think from the perspective of the other party, not the perspective of yourself
The decisive feature of people who get nervous quickly is that they "think only about themselves." For example, what do people with scorching think about when making public speeches? "Can you speak well?" "I don't want to be stupid." "I want to be seen by smart people." I wonder if this is the case.
These are all about me. I don't think of anyone listening to my speech. I'm nervous because it's my own point of view.
When speaking in public, you should think about who you are listening to. "How do you talk to get interested?" "Thank you for listening to yourself while you're busy." Considering these things, consciousness naturally goes to the other person.
"How I feel" doesn't really matter. The important thing is to have a "opposite point of view" and think "to be positive for the other party." You will naturally be seen by the "people who can do it" simply by talking to the other person.
Training to be the "viewing side"
"Watch" while looking for the strengths of the other party
When you stand in front of someone you like or respect, you have to be aware of what you are seeing. Training is necessary to stand on the “viewing side”.
First of all, it is good to have a habit of observing. It's a feeling of "watching" rather than "seeing." If you are always aware, you will eventually become unconscious. When you meet someone, try to find the strengths of the other person and the places where you will be happy if you praise them. Just by doing this, you will have a habit of "watching" and good relationships.
It is said that human relationships are mirror images. If you like the other person, the other person will like you and vice versa. Therefore, if you find a good point for the other party, the possibility of being liked by the other person increases. Of course, the advantage is that you can imagine it and there is no problem. The important thing is to observe and be interested in the other person. If you are interested in the other person, people who are strangely weak will disappear.
Expand your horizons outside the body
Sometimes when you are nervous, you can only see in front of you. The effective way to prevent this is to observe the condition of the place first when you enter it somewhere. For example, in the case of a conference room, observe the whole room, such as what kind of room it is, how big it is, and how many people there are.
People who are easily tense are easily overwhelmed by the place. The so-called "atmosphere" phenomenon occurs. The way to avoid this is to look around. That way, you can broaden your vision and your mind.
When asked "where is your heart?", many people will answer "chest." But the mind is not in the body. There is a body in the heart.
When meeting people, if you open your mind and imagine that the other person is wrapped in your heart, you will not be nervous. When speaking in public, imagine that the whole room is in your heart. By broadening your horizons in this way, you should not be swallowed by the "air in the field."
Training focusing on the "eyes"
Observe the eyes as parts of the body
A book for people with scorching often says, "Let's look at the other person's eyebrows and talk". However, that doesn't convey one's thoughts to the other person. It is better to look closely at the other person's eyes and talk.
Those who are too nervous to see the other person's eyes should have a sense of "observing the other person's eyes" rather than "making eye contact with the other person". You can clearly see your opponent's eyes by treating them as just one part of your body, just like your mouth and nose. The easiest way to do this is to observe the blink.
If you look closely, the blinking of people is different between left and right. Either one will be a little slower. Observing the movement, you will naturally be able to see and speak to the other person. However, if you keep observing your eyes for a long time, it will put pressure on your opponent. It's a good idea to take your eyes off once every 2-3 seconds.
Pay attention to "eye movements" to read the other person's thoughts
Once you can see and speak with the other person's eyes, the next step is to observe your eye movements. When one thinks of positive things and negative things, people have their own eyes in a certain direction. Where you look depends on the person.
If you look closely at the lower right when you talk badly about your boss, or the upper left when you talk about your favorite movie, you can see the memory of that person. Then, even if the other person is silent, it becomes clear whether they are thinking positive things or negative things. As you get used to it, you will be able to understand the characteristics and thoughts of the other person by moving your eyes, such as "down when making excuses" and "up when exaggerating yourself".
Next, try observing the human nature of the people around you. A place suitable for observation is a drinking party. Let's take a closer look at the behavior of colleagues at a drinking party. Also, how does the other person compliment others and complain about what? From there, one can see the person's sense of values. Remember that and compliment your opponents along with it, you'll be happy. However, you must not realize that you are reading the heart of the other party. It's important to look at the line of sight of the other person.
The tension I feel now can be reduced by a third
Try to get out of your "usual self"
Asking people for directions is also a good training. At first, it may be embarrassing and difficult to talk to people you have met for the first time. So first of all, it's a good idea to speak to someone who is easy to approach. Once you get used to it, you can expand the range of people you talk to, such as people of the opposite sex or those who are not good at it. When talking, look closely at the person you are talking to and be aware that you will be the "viewing side." At the end, let's keep our eyes tight and thank you brightly.
You can also raise your hand and ask a question at seminars. In that case, always be aware that you are the "viewing side."
To get used to the eyes of many and overcome fear, the cinema is a great training place. In a movie theater with a certain number of people before the screening, stand in front of the front seat and look over the audience seats. It will get a lot of attention from many people. However, if you are pretending to look for someone, it doesn't seem strange. If you do it several times, you will be able to speak calmly even in front of many people.
The actual tension is not that great
The tension felt by people with scorching can be reduced to less than one-third. Those who are easily nervous add "tension that comes from past experience and trauma" and "tension that comes from the uneasiness of the future that I have arbitrarily imagined" to "the actual tension now." Because of that, the tension has expanded threefold.
The tension that should be felt is one third or less. When speaking in front of a large number of people, it is not life threatening. The current tension should not be that great. Let's think about whether or not the mind is dominated by what is not.
If you're still scared, there are often experiences in the past that caused it. When did you start to get nervous, what kind of situation you were in, what kind of feeling you had at that time, and what was the hardest thing. Try to write down these things as specifically as possible and write them down. You can face the experience by watching it many times.
Then, if your junior or subordinate talks about the same thing, think about how to give advice. Then you should be able to overcome the fear of the past.
How to overcome the fear of the future is simple. It is all about making thorough preparations. If you are not good at introducing yourself, you should think about the contents beforehand and practice aloud many times. The presentation is similar. You should be able to speak well if you are fully prepared and the feeling of the "watching side".
Recommendation of reading
For those who are easily nervous, this book is truly a salvation book. There is no gut theory or psychology. It's packed with techniques that can be immediately adopted in everyday life, such as what to do when you talk in public and panic, and mental training that can be done in 15 minutes a day. Practical techniques for each scene, such as presentations, interviews, and romance, are packed. When you come to the "kokorezo" scene, you may be able to calm down by simply reading the points of interest in this book. If you have agairi, keep this book handy as a talisman and put it into practice. As you practice, you will be able to feel the effects clearly.