SELFISH 真の「自分本位」を知れば、人生のあらゆる成功が手に入る


"Become a selfish, draw a better reality, and live a fulfilling life."-In short, the gist of this book is: It's very modern, and I think it has something in common with the "law of attraction" that is popular these days. Surprisingly, however, the original book was published in 1998, 20 years ago.

Twenty years ago, personal computers and mobile phones (feature phones) were finally beginning to spread. It was a society with a stronger analog feeling than it is now, and there must have been a tendency to prioritize groups over individuals. What a visionary person the author, who preached to "become a selfish" in such an era.

The original book, THE PORTABLE COACH, is a global long-selling book with 28 steps to success in life. There have been several Japanese translations so far, but this is the first complete version. The title of the Japanese version is "SELFISH". Few people will take the word selfish positively. However, a firm approach to the essence of the word opens up an incredibly rich world.

To live as it is and change your life, you can try any of the 28 steps. Let's have fun working on one and the other. Then you will find yourself evolving before you know it. By that time, various positive things should have been attracted. If you want to make a difference in your life, why not open this book and give it a try.

Main points of this book

Point 1

A "selfish" person is one who makes independent choices. The more selfish you are, the more you can satisfy yourself and be generous with others. And you will be able to get what you want.

Point 2

Let's look at this moment now, not the past or the future. If you cherish the present as much as you can and live, a better future will come closer to you without any difficulty.

Point 3

Tell the people around you what you want and what you would be happy to do. That way, relationships will improve.

[Must read point!] Selfish

Become a selfish!

This book consists of 28 steps. The breakdown of the steps is the teachings such as "Become a selfish!" And "Live now", what happens if you can achieve them, and 10 ways to practice the teachings. Of the 28 steps, the summary covers some of them.

First, "Become a selfish!" If you look up the word "SELFISH" in a dictionary, you will find that "the tendency to think only about yourself is remarkable. Even if you sacrifice others, give priority to your own pleasure and profit." .. But the authors have different opinions. If you want to succeed both privately and at work, you should acquire a new perspective on the word "selfish", that is, "selfish".

The author thinks that a "selfish" person is one who makes independent choices. At the other end of the spectrum of "unsatisfied" people who are always deficient.

The more selfish you are, the more you can satisfy yourself and be more generous with others. You will be less likely to ask for something from others, and you will have more room in your heart. What's more, you'll get more and more often what you want.

10 Ways to Become a Selfish

Here are 10 ways to become incredibly selfish.

(1) Know that becoming a selfish is not a bad thing: Becoming a selfish and improving individual skills and talents will lead to the evolution of humanity as a whole. If you concentrate on what is in front of you, it will go around and benefit your loved ones.

(2) Be aware of your wishes and speak out properly: If you clearly state what you are and what you are looking for, the person who hears it will feel at ease. Because you can believe that you are showing up.

(3) If you become a selfish, you can have a margin while satisfying yourself: When you become a selfish and you have a margin, everything will come around unconditionally.

(4) Being a selfish gives you the space to be considerate of others: Focus on satisfying yourself first. This will give you more room and you can generously reach out to others.

(5) Stay away from those who deny becoming selfish: Stay away from those who value "doing" to others. They are sucking energy from someone they think they are "exhausting."

(6) Get rid of the image of "selfish = negative": Selfish is neither "selfish" nor "insensitive". It's a completely different thing.

(7) Do one selfish every day for a week: If it's difficult to be selfish, think about seven things you really want to do but can't. All you have to do is try one each day.

(8) If you want to say no: You need training to be selfish. The easiest way to do this is to say "no" and draw a line between yourself and others.

(9) Become a Selfish for Your Talent: If you're reluctant to be a Selfish for yourself, think of yourself as a space to develop your talent.

(10) Don't worry too much about others and take the actions you think you need: If you're dissatisfied, move towards resolution. The problem will be solved naturally if you first clearly communicate your intentions and act instead of asking the people around you.

Incorporate "ultimate self-care"

The shortest way to become self-care is to incorporate "ultimate self-care." We are swayed by various things every day. The purpose of "ultimate self-care" is to balance work and private life and control health and quality of life by oneself.

The point is not just self-care, but "ultimate self-care". The author says that his mind and body have changed radically since he began to do "ultimate self-care." It is up to each person to decide what is "ultimate self-care", but here is an example. While referring to these, you should incorporate it in a form that suits you.

First, get rid of stress. Instead of reducing it, it "eliminates it." If your current job is so tight that you can't get rid of your stress, quit your job. If you are stressed by a promise you made with someone, return it to a blank sheet and think of an alternative.

Next, list 10 things that will make you feel better. Think of three ways to incorporate it into your daily life.

It is also effective to maintain physical and mental health and pay attention to your eating habits. The body is the most important capital. Get a health check and exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.

Finally, get external services such as specialists. List the contact information of lawyers, accountants, therapists, and other professionals you can rely on in case of emergency.

Attract what you want

Live now

Most people are worried about the past and the future. Even though I don't know what the future holds, I'm worried about what to do if this happens and what to do if that happens. The place we should be most at this moment is none other than.

People can shine because they live at this moment. It is important to spend the present with a calm feeling, without trying hard for the future or getting caught up in the past.

If you can live at this moment, achieving your goals is just an option. And you will feel "this is fine" for every result. It will be quicker to give up on projects that do not sprout.

In order to be agnostic to the future, the first thing to do is to give up on attractive goals. To get married, to get rich, to change the world, to be a great person. Don't be fooled by these goals and lose sight of yourself. Instead, focus that energy on what's in front of you. If you live by valuing the present time as much as possible, you can draw a better future without any difficulty.

When you use the word "if … if", what occupies your head is the past or the future. Try not to use this word as much as possible. No one creates the future you want, you are here now.

Create value in a way that pleases you

How can you pursue your own personality while being a member of your family and workplace? The answer is to meet and exceed the expectations of others in a way that makes you feel happy. And it's important to do it in a way that's comfortable (or not painful) to you.

If you do something that makes you happy, you can provide value without asking the other person for a reward. A good example is the bee. In the process of flying from flower to flower, honeybees collect pollen, spread it, and pollinate it. The bees themselves are only making honey for themselves, but as a result they are providing value to their surroundings.

The first step in providing value to others is knowing what others value. Being open to the values ​​of others and knowing what is important to them leads to your own values.

Next, let's find out what makes you happy. People are delighted to express their value. At the same time, it is also adding value to others.

But don't sell the value. The best way is to put the value on the "front door" of your house and have someone you like receive it, which is casual and does not burden the other person.

Fill with joy

Meet your needs

People with unmet needs unknowingly attract similar people. And I run into the same problem over and over again. To get out of this loop, you need to understand your needs and meet them completely.

There are two categories of needs. Survival needs and personal needs. Survival needs include water, food and housing. Personal needs correspond to what you need to grow in your life because you are yourself. Specifically, inspiration, information, support, skills, work, environment, personality, etc. If your personal needs are met, you can live your own way.

However, most people are unable to meet it. You may not know your needs or you may not be confident that you will meet them. Or, even if you think that you have satisfied it, it is temporary and it is not completely satisfied.

Needs are "mast" because you are the most personal. If you meet your needs, you can benefit for a lifetime. It may take time and investment to fill it completely, but beyond that a more free and fulfilling life awaits.

Stop overlooking

We are often told to "overlook" what we don't like. "Life is tough" "Don't make waves" "Do well with others. Don't go against it" … I'm told all these things.

What does it mean to overlook? The author defines it as "being annoyed and exploiting energy for me, and putting up with what I shouldn't have."

To overlook things is the same as paralyzing yourself. If you overlook something, your heart will be closed so that you will not feel the discomfort, and you will not feel happiness. If you want to live the life you really want, you have to sharpen your senses and let go of your patience.

If you stop overlooking, you will be more happy and happy to be with you. It also reduces the loss of self-esteem, so you can freely express your value.

The reason we overlook it is that there is something to be gained from doing so. First, write down 50 things that you are overlooking and realize the benefits. Then, weigh the advantages and costs (hardware and software). Then, at some point, you might think, "Let's stop paying the cost." The first step is to be yourself who can say "no" to overlook.

Tell what you are happy with

It's important to let the people around you know what makes you happy. Let's tell it from ourselves, not let it be guessed.

While working as a coach for many years, the author has been confessed to his relationships with many clients. What I found out was that the reason for breaking relationships starts with feeling that "my needs are not respected." When I feel that I am not respected, I gradually become unfair and think, "I have done so much, and I should have the right to get the right one." So if you have the skills to communicate your needs honestly to others, you'll have a better chance of maintaining a relationship.

What kind of feelings do you like, what kind of reaction you want the other person to do, and what you want. Communicating these points to others will make relationships smoother.

Recommendation of reading

As you may have noticed, the idea of ​​"selfish" is similar to mindfulness. The final step in this book, "Being human as it is," acknowledges the shortcomings and explains that if you deal with yourself in good faith, you will be attractive. Don't try to be someone, don't force yourself to think positively, just be yourself. Live now and live yourself. If that changes your life better, there's no reason not to practice it right now.