At work, I'm worried about people coming and going and the sound of the phone, and I lose my concentration. I get close to people who are not good at it and care about it. Many risks come to my mind, and I can't take action easily and get angry. The concept that explains such a property is HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), and it is said that one in five people exists. Perhaps even more people will apply, given the varying degrees.
The author calls such people "delicate-san" and gently wraps them up so that they don't have to worry. I think about it because I have the sensitivity to notice various things. You can feel the beauty and splendor as much as you get stressed. This book teaches you techniques for valuing that sensibility and living happier. The author himself is "delicate", so the words have a deep sense of reality.
In addition, there are many important points of view for "non-delicate people" who feel that they are being avoided by those around them. In particular, Chapter 3 on human relationships is full of techniques that even people who do not think they are "delicate" can use, so please read it. The book is studded with tips to protect yourself and your partner and increase your happiness.
"Being delicate" can be seen as negative. This book explains that by dare to say, "I am delicate," I will turn it into a positive behavior. Because many people are prone to stress at work, this way of thinking will be the nutrition needed to live a bright life every day.
Main points of this book
You can live happily by taking your delicacy as a good thing and making use of it with techniques.
Delicate-san tends to be swayed because he notices a lot of things. Therefore, it is important to value "I want to do this" and to listen to my true intentions.
In order to reduce the damage received from the stimulus, it is essential to physically shut out and change the environment, rather than closing the mind that you have to put up with it.
It is important to communicate properly in words with each other, whether they are delicate or not.
What is "Delicate"?
To live happily
There is a concept of "HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)" advocated by Dr. Elaine Aaron, an American psychologist. The author familiarly calls HSP, which is sensitive and stress-sensitive, "Delicate-san".
You can see delicacy as a good thing, not an issue to overcome, and make use of your innate ability with techniques to live happily. This book introduces the know-how.
What kind of person?
Mr. Delicate feels a small change that the people around him are not aware of. But that's not a special thing, and one in five people are naturally delicate. In fact, the existence that can react sensitively to external stress is also found in higher organisms other than humans. Being delicate can be said to be a "means" for quickly detecting the dangers of the surroundings and keeping the seeds alive. In other words, it is natural for Mr. Delicate to notice that he is small.
Mr. Delicate also notices many good things such as the kindness of the people around him and new ideas. However, not only that, but also pain and stress are felt at the same time. I get tired of being with people because I notice the subtleties of people, but I don't hate people. The time to relax alone is more important than anyone else.
In addition, you may get stuck because you think deeply about what is best for solving a problem. It is sometimes misunderstood as a perfectionist. In such a case, you can proceed with things by thinking positively and lightly, "Aside from the best, let's do it for the time being."
In this way, Mr. Delicate notices a lot of things, so he tends to be swayed by that much. Therefore, I want to cherish "I want to do this" and listen to my true intentions. By doing so, you will be able to spend your time in good spirits without dragging too much "worrisome".
Techniques to protect yourself
How can Mr. Delicate reduce the damage received from the stimulus?
If you have to change yourself, you should not close your mind to endure it, but physically shut out and change the environment. And it is best to start with the one that you feel is the sharpest of the five senses. People who perceive a wide range of things that are noticeable, people who pick up even the smallest sounds and voices, etc., have different points of sharp sense. It is good to be able to control from the sensitive one.
There are two aspects to this: prevention and care.
Can be prevented
The author summarizes the methods that actually worked for Mr. Delicate and the many methods that he heard from Mr. Delicate, so here I would like to pick out some of them and introduce them.
For example, if you have a sharp vision, it may be effective to reduce what you see by wearing glasses or wearing sunglasses.
People with sharp hearing should switch off the stimulating sound, or carry earplugs or earphones with noise canceling function. It is also important to avoid the vicinity of highways and railroad tracks so that you will not be bothered by noise.
In addition to the five senses, there are also the following preventive measures. A fun event is one of the stimuli, so it's a good idea to put in a day off after that.
Care and speed recovery
If you feel too sensitive and tired, try to suppress external stimuli to the extent that you think you are overdoing it.
Light evokes excitement, so try darkening the room or wearing a futon over your head. To sleep in the quietest possible environment, wear earplugs and avoid household appliances in the bedroom. You will be relieved when you sleep wrapped in a soft material that makes your baby wrap. It is also recommended to prepare a scent that is good for you, such as hitting the aroma. Food is not complicatedly seasoned, but simple foods such as steamed vegetables are more restful. Care can be taken by resting each of the five senses.
The important thing is to take good care of yourself according to the degree your body requires. Then you will be able to focus on what you really want to do. When people living with their families want time alone, it is also important to tell the people around them that it is not your fault and that they are tired from work and take a rest in the room. It is. Not letting others care is also protecting yourself.[Must read point!] Change the way you interact with people
Know your nature
What kind of human relationship should Mr. Delicate, who tends to understand the emotions of the other person and read the atmosphere of the place too much, build a relationship?
Most delicate people don't understand that "I feel differently from non-delicate people." Because of that, I think that I can understand it with few words, and I will be hurt by passing each other. You need to start by accepting that you and the other person do not feel the same.
Then, if you keep your true self in check with your surroundings, only those who fit the "shell" will come closer. Therefore, you should take the plunge and show yourself. The more you do that, the more people will come to respect you and the ones who don't fit will move away.
Also, from the perspective of delicate people who can be attentive to nature, non-delicate people tend to look like people who lack consideration. However, the person is not trying to be mean, but Mr. Delicate's level of consideration is too high. If you can be aware of that, you can be comfortable.
Based on communicating
With an understanding of your nature, try some techniques to facilitate relationships.
For example, a person who is exhausted when talking to a rugged type of person draws a line between him and protects himself. Imagine that the other person is on the other side of the TV without picking up any topic or information. Alternatively, it is also effective to place something such as a pen between you and the other party.
Also, a person who reaches out too much to a person is different just by trying not to move until the other person clearly asks for it.
In this way, let's find friends of the same delicate person and interact with non-delicate people while changing the way of interacting with people.
Going to a store where you can find your favorite things, or writing your feelings and favorite things on SNS is a shortcut to finding friends. You will have more chances to get to know people with similar tastes and ideas.
When you meet a non-delicate person who seems to get along well, the trick is to tell them what you want them to do and what you don't want them to do, without trying to get them to guess. Of course, even delicate people can get along better by talking about each other's strengths and weaknesses.
Make use of in the workplace
"Thinking tiredness" and "tension tiredness" are often felt by Mr. Delicate in social life. Those who feel that it is the head, not the body, that is exhausted are a typical example. Introducing techniques for living a peaceful social life.
Delicate, who tends to work hard on each one, is not good at multitasking. I get impatient when a lot of work is requested at once. However, no matter how many requests I make, I want to keep in mind the spirit of "let's do it one by one!" It will be a little easier if you try to get rid of the important things that you have to do today one by one.
In addition, Mr. Delicate is easy to notice various things, so he tries to deal with everything. In that case, it is advisable to separate "notice" and "correspond". I can't stop noticing it, but I choose whether or not to respond. If what you're doing seems to take a long time, it's sometimes a good idea not to deal with it. Also, if you are "the person who is less aware than you" at work, you should consider whether to do so and try to imitate that person. You should decide your own rules, such as making a phone call once every three times, and make it work based only on the rules.
To live as it is
Use the "five powers" common to delicate people
Delicate has five powers in common. First of all, the power to feel, which is linked to being aware of small things and being a good listener. Ability to think, such as being able to find improvements from a unique perspective, from minor inconveniences to major problems. The power to taste and receive the beautiful things of the world and the kindness of people. The power of conscience that values being convinced by oneself and being honest with the other person. And it is the power of intuition to find something that suits you and to see the essence.
If you combine the power of these delicate people with your specialty such as cooking, calculation, and planning, you can get a bigger effect. Keeping your mind and body stretched makes it easier for you to exert your strength in that way.
Listen to your true intentions
Delicate people tend to lock in their true intentions, so knowing their true intentions is the first step. In a relaxed state, consider the following.
"I want to do this" is close to the real intention. "I have to do this" is likely to be the voice of the world. If you feel like you want to do this, but you still feel obliged or cramped, it may not be the time to do it. Also, as a way to know the true intention, it is effective to think of yourself, who was about 2 years old and lived freely without worrying about anything, and ask YES / NO whether the child wants to do it.
If you try to realize the true intentions you find from small things, you will be able to choose "good things for yourself" even if you make a big decision. In this way, if you can live as you are, you should be able to live a healthy life.
Recommendation of reading
Although omitted in the summary, various cases of "delicate" are introduced, including the author's own experience. You can also see what they have in common and what they differ depending on the situation. By following the episode, you should find a point close to you.
In addition, there are still many useful advices in real life, such as how to rely on people and how to choose the right job. If you are interested in the topics in this book, please take a look.