苦手な人を思い通りに動かす

Review

In human relationships, some people will come to mind when they can sympathize with the thoughts and actions of the other person and communicate smoothly. On the other hand, some people may not understand the other person's thoughts and the sled may not fit. For example, the excellent but inflexible "hard type" and the "waiting for instructions type" that only do what is said. When communication breaks and conflicts become prominent, they sometimes crack down on others who do not understand each other, and often develop into conflict.

In the first place, there are types of human beings who have various tendencies. By deepening your understanding of trends that are different from your own and dealing with them accordingly, interpersonal relationships should go smoothly and become much easier.

This book is a book that explains the four trends and the points to get along well with people who have those tendencies, based on the premise that "the tendencies are basically different by nature". Since the characteristics of each type are explained concretely, the point is that "Did the person think like this in such a situation!" Furthermore, many of the advices on how to get them to approach and move can be put into practice immediately at work or at home.

Applying the author's advice while guessing the type of people around you may reduce barren conflicts and relieve the stress of relationships. It's a book where you can get a useful framework to understand the essence of human beings.

The main points of this book

Point 1

People can be categorized into one of four tendencies according to their attitude toward external and internal expectations. The four tendencies are upholders (people who keep their promises), questioners (people who have doubts), obligors (people who fulfill their obligations), and rebels (people who resist).

Point 2

People's tendencies are basically the same. The framework of four trends is useful for self-understanding and understanding of others. By grasping the tendency of others, it is possible to persuade and motivate them well.

[Must read points!] Know the four trends

What are the four trends?

What kind of attitude do you take in response to external and internal expectations? This allows a person to be categorized into one of four trends:

-Upholder (a person who keeps his promise): A person who is willing to meet both external and internal expectations.

Questioner: A person who has doubts about all expectations and only meets those that he or she thinks are justified. In essence, it only tries to live up to its inner expectations.

・ Obligor: A person who is willing to meet external expectations but cannot easily meet internal expectations.

・ Reburu (resistor): A person who opposes all expectations and has the same attitude toward both external and internal expectations.

Unless there is a life-changing and spectacular experience, people's tendencies are basically unchanged. A spectacular experience is about wandering dying and suffering from a serious illness.

Also, depending on the changing times and the environment in which you are placed, your tendency may work positively or negatively. For example, if a questioner lives in North Korea and asks questions, he could be imprisoned. But in Silicon Valley, that trend may help promote.

A framework for deepening understanding of oneself and others

Even if the tendency is the same, each person's personality is different. The framework of four trends focuses only on the trend aspect of the various aspects that shape a person. These four trends can be thought of as a framework that spotlights the reasons why people take or do not take specific actions.

Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of your tendency will help you build your life. It should increase the chances of success. Similarly, understanding the tendencies of others will help you to be generous with them. Furthermore, it becomes possible to persuade and motivate the other party well.

In this way, the framework of four trends is useful for both self-understanding and understanding of others.

Upholder that motivates you without anyone telling you
Effortlessly meet both external and internal expectations

From here, I will introduce the characteristics of each of the four trends. First of all, they are upholders who are willing to meet both external expectations and internal expectations that they impose on themselves. They act voluntarily. Therefore, "missing the deadline," "not keeping promises," and "unable to manage tasks" rarely occur. Upholders are characterized by the ability to put into action what they have decided, even without the eyes of surveillance, reminders, and penalties.

Nothing can be changed easily

So when can the strengths of upholders become weaknesses? They can be bound by rules, even when it makes sense to ignore them. I feel reluctant to change my routines, habits, and schedules. Upholder's attitude towards expectations may seem inflexible to others.

Also, even if you don't want to do it, you may even force yourself to do it, which is a characteristic of upholders.

Post a lot of fulfilling vacations

Upholders meet internal and external expectations. Therefore, it may seem that the pressure of expectations is the most stressful of the four trends. But it's not. Upholders also actively respond to their inner expectations. Therefore, they usually do not suffer from problems such as resentment and burnout.

Upholders are also good at taking care of themselves and entertaining themselves. According to a recent survey posted on Facebook, people who are rated as having high integrity (the ability to plan and do exactly that) often use the terms "weekend" and "relaxing." That is. They have also been found to post a number of posts about enjoying their vacation. The reason is that the upholder temperament is utilized for a fulfilling private life.

Don't just get in the way of the upholder

What are the precautions when touching the upholder? The first is to clearly indicate the priority. They value every expectation as much as they do. Therefore, it is better for the requesting party to specify the priority.

Also, when upholders feel the pressure to live up to their expectations, they cannot help but do it even if the significance is weak. For this reason, we recommend that you do not easily give your expectations to your upholder partners. I want to take advantage of their spontaneity.

People with doubts move like this

Show the "reason" to the questioner

The second type of trend is questioners. They willingly try to live up to their expectations if they accept the reason for doing so. You don't need much surveillance eyes. But when asking a questioner for something, it's essential to be clear about why. If convinced, the questioner will ensure that he does what he is asked to do.

Questioners do not accept all the expectations they place, but once question them. I like to arrange it in my own way. They also like research, pursue efficiency, and try to rule out irrational things. That attitude will bring great benefits to improving productivity in the workplace.

There is also a risk of being paralyzed

Questioners will not live up to their expectations unless they think there is a "just cause". It can be a source of trouble. It is not uncommon to question the advice of experts. In the end, it can lead to analytical paralysis. Thus, if you want to move them, it's important to answer the question.

To convince the questioner

How can I get in touch with the questioner? The point is not to get frustrated when asked by them. They question not because they want to get in the way or because they are uncooperative. I understand that it is the tendency of questioners to have doubts about various things, and I want to provide the necessary information.

You may also want to set a deadline or seek advice from someone you admire to prevent them from becoming paralyzed.

Those who fulfill their obligations move like this

Strong sense of responsibility, but not good at meeting inner expectations

The third trend is obligor. They have a strong sense of responsibility and are willing to respond to "outside expectations." However, their characteristic is that they struggle to meet the "inner expectations" that they want to achieve. Be sure to keep deadlines and promises, and if you are asked to do something, do it. However, my needs are put off.

What does the observer need to be able to live up to his inner expectations? What is effective is to create "external responsibility" for inner expectations. When you can achieve what you want to achieve, use external forces such as promises with those around you. The key is for the observer to realize that it is difficult to achieve one's goals without feeling external responsibility.

I want to be near the person who gives me responsibility

Obligors are also good at responding to the demands of others and the deadlines set by others. Therefore, it is more relied on by others than anyone else with any other tendency. And get along best with people of other tendencies.

The advantage of Obliger is that it does not take external responsibilities as constraints. And it doesn't make me irritated. Therefore, you should be able to live the life you want by matching the expectations imposed from outside such as the workplace with the expectations you impose on yourself.

Let's lighten the burden of the observer

Obligors can also create a "rebellion" when they feel that outside expectations are too high. For example, when you feel that the Obliger is just being used by others for good. When you reach the limit, you suddenly stop trying to live up to your expectations. Obliger rebellions like this range from small to large and destructive.

To get along with the obligors, you need to observe them closely and lighten the burden on them so that external responsibilities do not trigger a rebellion. I want people around me to reduce the expectations of Obliger. Specific points to keep in mind are to clearly show the division of roles, to give the observer time to do what he wants to do, and not to set goals that are too large.

Those who resist move like this

Happily disobey expectations

It is Rebel who tries to repel all expectations. They want to do what they want, the way and when they want. Just like the expectations that are imposed from the outside, the expectations that come from within you are flatly rejected. This is a unique feature of the Rebel.

What they want is their own choice, freedom and self-expression. It doesn't matter what people think about it, and it's overwhelmingly pressure-resistant. Moreover, he understands his honest desires. Therefore, they are happy to go against the rules, expectations, and conventions.

To make Rebel feel that way

Rebels bring benefits to the workplace in that they can think outside the existing framework and try to break away from customs. They are most effective when there is little instruction or supervision. Therefore, in order to get along well with them, it is important to prepare many options and watch over without giving instructions. If there is an action you want for the Rebel, emphasize the benefits of that action and let the choice go.

Also, for Obliger, the person with whom a good long-term relationship can be established is usually the Rebel. From the perspective of an observer who is constantly feeling the pressure from the outside, Rebel's attitude of rebelling against expectations can be refreshing and reassuring. It can be said that Rebel's posture has a role to open the observer.

In this way, there are some kinds of compatibility between parents and children, colleagues, etc., depending on the tendency. But understanding the four trends should help facilitate relationships.

Recommendation of reading

Upholders (people who keep their promises), questioners (people who have doubts), obligors (people who fulfill their obligations), rebble (people who resist). Which tendency do you fit into? It may be easier to communicate by typing yourself and the people around you.

In the summary, we focused on the "characteristics of the four trends and countermeasures" that are the pillars of this book. In addition, please refer to this book for the compatibility of each type and the specific method of communication according to the tendency. A deeper understanding of yourself and others will bring you closer to a stress-free life.

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